Now they're eating it. Incredible! This video is going to take the intertubes by storm!
Hey, wait - I'm getting a message from something.
Hello. Would you like to play a game? Tic-Tac-Toe - Chess - Poker - Fighter Combat - Guerrilla Engagement - Desert Warfare - Global Thermonuclear War - Major College Football National Championship
We live in Washington state. What the hell do we know about Desert Warfare? Pick Major College Football National Championship.
[types it in]
General, we seem to have a problem. Some small, mid-major hackers appear to have infiltrated Working Hard Obliterating Playoffs & Protecting Exorbitant Revenues. They're playing Major College Football National Championship - and they're close to the end.
WHOP*PER? I thought you said that damn thing was as impenetrable as my wife's balloon knot!
It is, sir. I mean ... it was. They must've used some kind of trick code or something. The thing is, uh, sir, they're ...
[looks down, bites the tip of his thumb]
They're what, you thumb-sucking peckersnatch?
They're about to find out our secret. We're going to have to go ...
... to DopeCon 1.
1998 Kansas State Gambit ... 1998 Tulane Surprise ... 2000 Miami-Washington Hypothetical Counterstrike... 2001 Nebraska-Oregon Passover ... 2003 Oklahoma-LSU-USC Alliance ... 2004 Foolproof Auburn SEC Ploy ... 2004 Utah Thrust ... 2005 Notre Dame Piggyback ... 2006 Boise State Statue of Liberty Unblemished Attack ... 2007 Clusterfuck Upset Barrage
What's it doing?
I think it's ... learning.
Hypothetical BCS Conference Team A: wins all games, loses conference title game ...
Hypothetical BCS Conference Team B: loses first game, wins all remaining games ...
Hypothetical BCS Conference Team C: wins first three games, loses on the road to nationally-ranked power after starting quarterback hurts his ...
[frenzied permutations continue, increasingly faster]
Great gobs a goose shit. What in the sam hell is that thing doing?
Hypothetical Non-BCS Conference Team 632,608 DLQQOBEM: beats sixth-ranked BCS Conference team at home in late September ...
Hypothetical Non-BCS Conference Team 632,608 DLQQOBEM: loses to sixth-ranked BCS Conference team on the road in late September ...
It's finding out what we already know, sir.
[the permutations are coming so fast, it's a blur - until the screen goes bright white for five full seconds, whereupon the prompt screen comes back]
A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess?
Ha-ha! Gee whiz, sure!
That's it gentlemen. We're now at DopeCon 1. Get SpitFire warmed up in the bullpen ready to fly.
I'm all thituated and rip-roarin' ready to get at them thunthabitzeth, thir! Thith ith my mongooth - it'z pretty thcary, duntcha think?