Tuesday, July 29, 2008


If this has been covered in another blog, I apologize, but this is something that makes me happy. I know, I know, I am supposed to be all baseball-happy or focusing on the upcoming football season, but I can't stop myself from giggling at this. It's just perfect.

Think about this man sitting a few seats down from P.J. Carlisimo with that grin on his face. Imagine that and try not to smile. Try. If you can't smile at this, you are losing the battle, friends-- BIG time.


Seven things you may have missed upon first perusal:
1) You can correspond with his fucking cat.
2) He has "minutes of action-loaded highlights." WHOLE MINUTES, YOU DUDES.
3) His diary is ALL things that come from his mind. The Drobnjak is pure energy and light.
4) "Drugs make you slow... and stupid... and poor." I get the feeling that his advice is a sign of great things to come.
5) He looks NOTHING like Robert De Niro.
6) Drobjnak is OK if you only visit every once in awhile. What a kind and unassuming gentleman.
and 7) DROBNSMAK! Would you like cabbage on your elbow sandwich. YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT YOU WOULD KARL MALONE.

I mean, wow. Who wants to sex the Drobnjak?

Thursday, July 24, 2008

In Rod We Trust

Rod Smith's retirement was a year in the making, and it won't be talked about much anywhere outside of Denver.

The wide receiver with the Hall of Fame-worthy stats never did an end zone dance, never popped off to the press about his teammates, never slipped on a fast-food wrapper and put his hand through an entertainment center, never skied down a mountain of coke and then snorted it while simultaneously banging 14 Peruvian hookers.

He just played football, and he played it really, really fucking well.

Need a five-yard out for a good gain on first down? Done. Rod's got it. Running a sweep, and need a solid block on the corner to seal the edge? Sure. Rod's got it. Need someone to run a route over the middle, go up for a ball thrown too high, and come down with the grab on third-and-long after getting spit-shined by a linebacker and a strong safety? No problem. Rod's got it. Fancy a clutch punt return to turn momentum on its head? Rod's in his mid-thirties, but fuck it - he's got it.

So, all in all, thank you Rod. Thanks for busting your ass. Thanks for being a professional.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A Modest Proposal for the All-Star Game

Like many people, I enjoyed the All-Star Game. I also missed some of the best innings (10-12, roughly) because I fell asleep. Was it the grocery store-bought PBR? Was it the electrifying duo of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver? Was it the fact that it was midnight? Yes, yes, yes, in varying proportions.

The fact is, however, that once again the game was decided by the All-Stars but not the All-Stars. Which is fine. Although I don't agree with the rule that every team should be represented, I do believe that everyone that is selected should be able to play. But now that the game means something, you had guys like Scott Kazmir and Brandon Webb throwing key innings although they had started (and thrown over 100 pitches) only two days before.

The solution seems to be this: after a certain number of innings (12, 13 or 14) open up the rosters again. Turn 'em over.

Instead of forcing Terry Francona to gingerly toss Kazmir (the ace of a division rival) out there on a pitch count, making him walk the line between winning the game for his league and destroying a key cog in the machine he's battling for a pennant, he can just run Cliff Lee or Joe Saunders out for another inning or two. Rather than Michael Young driving in the winning run, Derek Jeter can do it in front of the hometown fans. Want to save Dan Uggla the embarrassment of botching another grounder, bad hop or no? Plug Chase Utley back into the lineup.

If Brad Lidge had gotten out of the 15th, maybe he pitches the 16th. Then you're looking at a position player coming in to pitch. That shouldn't happen.

If we're going to tack real-world implications onto the result of an exhibition game, we can surely flaunt the rules of the real-world game to make the exhibition game more ... real.

And it would at least force Alex Rodriguez to stick around for the final out.