Friday, February 27, 2009

Phony Responds to BorL's Dirty, Devious Tricks Regarding a Camera Left at his Apt

I'm assuming you primarily mean the Padres. And that's fine. As the immortal Loggins and Messina wrote, "Even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with you, honey." And while, in our time on this feeble rock, your Redskins have won 3 rings to the Broncos' 2, the Rojo Socks have won 2 trophies to the Pads' nada, and the Celtics have won 4 rings while the Nuggets have never even won a conference title, I have this, and this only: the Avalanche have won 2 cups while the Bruins have won none. Actually, I don't even know if you like hockey. Either way, fuck you in the mouth.

While we have no empirical evidence that I suck (there are no Sivitses in popular culture), allow me to point you toward Nevada. See those lights over there? Yes, that's none other than Viva Laughlin, a show so heart-stoppingly horrific that uber-handsome ultra-male Hugh Jackman himself couldn't save it. Wolverine can't help? Way to suck the life out of gambling, loser.

First off, I don't appreciate that kind of language. Secondly, Colorado has some of the best microbrews and kind bud in the entire country - not to mention sweet, sweet ski bunnies. As a state, our homosexuality is limited to people who strongly preach against that kind of behavior. North Carolina is home to Duke, which strongly exemplifies that kind of behavior.

Enough said.

You do have a vast array of effective low-post moves coupled with a pair of gorilla arms so absurdly lengthy you can A) block my shots despite me being a few inches taller, and both of us sharing gravity-accepting verticals, and B) tie your shoes without bending over. You're also impossible to move due to a torso shaped like a barrel and consisting of hardened concrete. I do, however, have a better jumper than you. So eat me.

Ok. Wow.

You know, one was bad enough, but this was just pushing it.

You're mine, shit-cow.

I'm gonna fucking own you.

The Gabe Pruitt Saga Ends Abruptly.

Alas, poor Gabe, we hardly knew ye. Since when does TMZ have time for backup point guards who are about to be demoted ot the D-League?

Also, OF COURSE HE WAS DRINKING. He just lost his job to a dude that is considered to be the scum of the fucking planet. LA is lucky he didn't occupy a tower and shoot nurses.

Sadly, I like Gabe Pruitt. I want him to play more so we can move Eddie house to the two on the second rotation. However, this is going to be impossible with the addition of Starbury. My mixed emotions on that coming soon. Until then, good night sweet Gabe.