The Super-Short, Super-Quick, Thanksgiving Giving Thanks ExtravaTonyDanza

I'm going to try to be positive here. I ... really will. Ok.

[takes a deep breath]

Here we go.

[drinks a rocks glass full of rye whiskey]

I'm thankful for ...

• The AFC West. Way to go, Chargers! I appreciate you playing on that shredded knee, Herr Merriman. And I like that you've disappeared completely off the face of the earth, LT. Seriously, the Broncos are going to be one of the worst division winners in the history of sports. Right up there with my 2005 San Diego Padres! Christ.

• The trade that brought Chauncey Billups back home. I loved watching Iverson play, and I always will. But you have to play defense some time.

• Time Warner Cable not carrying Versus on its normal digital cable package. This way I don't have to watch Super Joe Sakic finish his career in the dumps. Hey, remember when they had a chance to get Roberto Luongo, and instead went for Jose Theodore? Me neither.

• The Colorado State Rabid Rams getting back to respectability. The good news: they're bowl-eligible with 6 wins! The bad news: they also lost 6. The gooder news: that's .500, baby, and in my book that spells respectability! Here we go, average, here we go! (clap clap)
  

• The economic crisis. Maybe it was needed to show the owners that spending two weeks' salary on four tickets, parking, some hot dogs, soda and beer and a hat or two is a FUCKING CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY. You're pricing the people who love your product out of the fucking arena. Assholes.

• My co-writer here at the Pretzel Factory. He is one super-neat human.
  

• My significant other, Clare. I don't say it enough. She's awesome.

Enjoy your holidays, everyone.