All My Friends Are Funeral Singers: An NBA Experiment Vol. 2.1

Sometimes, it's weird to think that the Celtics won't have a Marreese Speights, a Brandon Jennings, a J.J. Hickson or a Jared Dudley that will surprise me this year. Rajon Rondo is nice and all, don't get me wrong, but he's reached that all-too-important (and amazing) pinnacle of next-level for me. This is not a complaint about an 8-1 team that just destroyed the Jazz (note: 8-3 after losses to the Hawks and, uh, Pacers-- yikes) and showcased exactly why Deron Williams has trouble with elite point guards despite being a damned good one.

I happen to think the difference in elite and damned good might just be personnel. Chris Paul is the only elite point guard without good personnel. Deron and Rajon have good personnel (when Boozer shows up to play), so they look like elite points. I'm wondering what would happen to Deron without the cast he has and Jerry's ever-vigilant eye. I wonder, also, what will happen to Rajon once his cast begins to depart. So here's the math problem then: If R is a better passer/user of space than D and D is a better shooter/creator than R, which variable stabilizes as a point guard without a better cast? I'm afraid it might be D.

Back to the present though: went to see the C's play in Jersey in a particularly uninspired contest. Rajon and Ray were great, Garnett is a step slower and (my) reports of Marquis Daniels being a pointless acquisition are a bit premature. Perkins was a rebounding machine at the end-- he sealed the Nets fate in the last couple of minutes. The Nets are a bad team, only, I don't think they are 0-8 bad. Terrence Williams was a certified scorer when he got some space, B. Lopez played big and actually hit some 15-footers after struggling early and once Devin Harris comes back, they'll have a nice rotation on their hands. They aren't gonna be good by any stretch, but they aren't this bad. That said, they were inspired and worked extremely hard and scored 76 points. Yikes.

Some of that goes to how the Celts played them. When they ran a basic 2-1-2 zone the game and doubled anyone-- ANYONE-- who got below the elbow, it was nice change from the man-to-man they use. Perkins got into foul trouble trying to cheat off of his man early (in the man-to-man), so the zone saved Garnett from having to protect him. Smart move there. Once they established that Ray-Ray was on, Rondo actually sat a long time in the fourth and they went with House and Allen bringing up the ball. Strange move. Ray doesn't need to play 35+ minutes against the Nets. Bad coaching move. So, more of the same from early-season Doc: make the right moves and the wrong moves and the players pretty much sort it out. I can live with this but it makes me nervous.

Let's get to the scorecard. We're 8-1 (pre-Hawks and Pacers, I know) and playing excellent defense minus the Suns abomination. When the Suns are on point, you can only hope to outscore them and we aren't that team. The first unit has been good but not great and the second unit has been playing above their level. Somewhere in the middle is the truth (pun not intended) and all of this while being witness to a laid-back sense of the Truth (pun intended). Thus far, I'd say the team is playing right into my expectations. Thing is? Cleveland and LA have been playing above theirs (at least Cleveland has since they played Orlando). So, it may take another level-- Rondo may need to have some Chris Paul or Deron Williams rub off on him (that didn't come out right) and where Garnett raises a level he may not have any more. They may need a calmer Sheed (not gonna happen) and Pierce may need to replicate that 2008 run (uh, maybe?).

But that's in May. Right now, it's a Sheldon Williams November and I will take 8-1 all damned day. (Again, 8-3... I've been busy these last few days.)

Ah, shit.

OK, so it happened. The unthinkable. Colorado, for one night, got revenge for that whole World Series thing. Phony got his revenge for me continually (yet, believe me, accidentally) bringing up the Padres before the new season washes away the pain of the Holliday incident. Allen Iverson got revenge on Rajon Rondo for that nasty fake behind-the-back thing he does to veteran guards (though you'd think Sam Cassell got enough revenge by clocking his jugular).

Even crazier, the Celtics dropped a winnable game against an opponent deemed lesser than themselves. Forgive me for bragging, but that hasn't happened all that often this year. I get the feeling it will happen a lot more as the post All-Star hangover wears away. They have exactly four cares in the world right now come playoff time: Dwight Howard, Chauncey Billups, LeBron James and Kevin Garnett's stomach muscle. The East, barring major mishaps, will be series of 81-75 games and will await Reggie Miller's tiresome jawing and off-the-cuff mispronounced phrasings.

Meanwhile, the West just solidified what could be the greatest playoff alliance in the history of the free world. When, basketball fans, can any of us remember a time so loaded with talent in one league from the aging vets (Kidd, Shaq, etc.) all the way down to their super-young counterparts (Bynum, MVPaul, etc.)? When? All in one side of the league? Are you sure?

The Nuggets win tonight isn't just exciting for Phony, it's exciting for all basketball fans. Yeah, Garnett was hurt, but he played and the Nuggets won. They just catapulted above 16 other West teams that had not been able to beat the team with the NBA's best record-- including the Spurs (who got no Garnett at all). Let's project the following teams into the playoffs in no order: Suns, Spurs, Lakers, Mavs, Hornets, Jazz, Rockets, Nugs/Warriors. Each of these teams has the potential to push a seven game series-- proven by the fact that the Nuggets are 1 game above the Warriors right now for the final spot, and they just beat the Celtics.

Random conjecture: If the Suns win the West and draw the eight-seed Warriors, HOW FUN WOULD THAT BE? HOLY SHIT. NOTHING BUT 133-131 shootouts? YES PLEASE. If the Lakers came into the third spot and had the Hornets (who I think will finish well below their current projection), who is going to stop Chris Paul? In that case, who will stop anyone? Consider this:

MAVS: Kidd, Nowitzki, Howard, etc.
LAKERS: Kobe, Bynum, Gasol
SUNS: Amare, Shaq, Nash
SPURS: Champions, etc.
NUGGETS: 'Melo, Iverson, whomever they trade for
ROCKETS: Yao, oh nevermind. They are out in the first round.
JAZZ: Deron, Boozer, team ethic/angry coach. Western Conference finalist last year, remember?
HORNETS: MVPaul, West, Chandler-- sure it ain't enough, but it will be fun to watch.
and then there's the WARRIORS, with he most improved player in the league Monta Ellis. His game will warrant a whole other post. It's undeniably perfect for that team RIGHT NOW.

The big three on any of these teams are as good as any other team, with the exception of the Hornets' youth (but still, MVPaul) and the Nuggets possible trade possibilities. The playoffs are promising to be the best we may ever see or even better, so as the season progresses, I am going to find a way to (not quite) fully and (un)extensively report on each of the contenders in the West until I am out of steam or I hyper-extend my brain... whichever comes first. I'm sure Phony will help, despite our lack of allegiance this evening.

One thing his for sure-- whatever happens will be fucking outstanding.

Outside the Aviary: "It's In Our Nature"

After something as terrible as the Sean Taylor fiasco, I usually try to stay away from televised sports for at least a week due to the inanity of discussion. Championship Curling could be on, and the announcers would find a way to talk about the tragedy. Apparently, as if on cue, Dick Vitale mentioned it in the same breath as how great the Barber family is in the NFL during a Duke basketball game. Why do I need to know that Dicky V thinks this is a terrible occurrence? Why are people so intent on getting their thoughts on the matter out?

I violated my rule last night, however, to watch the most important game of the young basketball season. I started the night by drinking heavily-- a favorite pastime of mine-- and talking up the NBA with a good buddy of mine. Then, I took some preparation shots. Little did I know that I was about to watch the rout of the century. I needed release, I needed therapy. I needed to shout happily for a couple of hours. I got all that and more. I laughed joyously at the miserable dredges of offense the Knickerbockers trotted out. I watched the "Big 3" cheering on their teammates while they were up by 47 points. By the end, I realized that this was the best game I have watched. It was as if the Celtics felt my crestfallen cries and walloped one of my least favorite franchises to quell my ill-temper.

As untrue as that last statement surely is, I do feel better as a fan and ultimately as a person. Watching a systematic dismantling like that-- even Scalabrine got 3 points in this one-- brings out the worst kind of person in me. It's the only time I will ever gloat. Usually, this is the time to tell the couple next to you that Isiah will get fired, Marbury will be gone soon or some such other positive idea. Instead, I was yelling, "This is the single worst showing I have ever seen in the NBA." Instead, I was yelling, "Oh shit, Scalabrine. AND... THE... FOUL." Instead, I laughed egregiously-- uproariously-- bellied up to the bar, the wind now whipping furiously onto my once-sagging sails.

I'll admit it-- I wanted a 50-point win-- and was upset when Nate Robinson hit a circus shot to save the Knicks from ther worst offensive output ever. I will not, however, admit, that
I was wrong for doing so. The nature of a fan in recovery is to look for the positive. Last night's game was nothing but positive, and the picture above this article proves it. I may have been in my worst mode, but it was at the best time. Such is the nature of sport-- and the nature of a fan in need. Thank you, Boston Celtics. Thank you.

(EDIT: Two great things about that line score: Mardy Collins being a DNP-Coach's Decision-- is that the only decision he made all night?-- and the fact that Nate Robinson's buzzer beater meant he was the only Knickerbocker in double figures. Wow.)