It's a Thursday night, I've got a glass full of scotch, and the Nuggets are on the tube. It's Brandon Roy, a chalk outline of Greg Oden and Melo's salty tears battling for the top spot in the Northwest Division.
10:48 - K-Mart is hurt, so it's Johan Petro in the starting lineup. Why not Renaldo Balkman? I don't fucking know, either.
10:51 - Joel Godzilla swishes two free throws. Seems like that can't bode too well for the Nuggies.
10:55 - The Blazers finally miss their first shot. Former Nugget Steve Blake, who looks like a GoldenEye character, misses a three.
10:58 - J.R. Smith follows a Nene miss with a monster jam, then gets a T for taunting. Look, JR, we love you, man. Now calm the fuck down. (Roy misses the FT, proving that the ball don't lie).
Also, my girlfriend just started telling me a story about Cadbury eggs, and I ignored her, and now she's pissed at me. I just tried to apologize, and she's still mad. What goes on in a woman's head? I bet it's like a Rube Goldberg sketch: boyfriend says/does something, the boot kicks over the ball, which rolls down the ramp, turning the lever, rotating the fan blade, lighting the match next to the pool of gasoline.
11:05 - Chauncey has a three-on-one, and ends up trying a finger roll and commits a charge. I saw the dish to Melo for the ensuing dunk in my mind, and it made me pee a little.
11:14 - The Birdman throws down a dunk, gets fouled, and hits the free one to put the Nugs up 31-18. Portland has no energy, which means they'll lead by 2 at the break.
11:31 - Travis Outlaw gives Nene a sick crossover move at the top of the key and nails a jumper. Where's Bo Outlaw when you need him?
11:38 - 3 straight Denver turnovers, a Roy-Aldridge monster alley-oop, and the inevitable lapse begins ... oh, wait, Rudy Fernandez just hit a 3, 46-35 Nuggets.
11:49 - Brandon Roy loses the ball at the foul line, gathers himself, then hits the jumper. J.R. Smith comes right back and drains a 40-footer at the buzzer to put the Nugs up 53-44. A 16-pt cushion got Ginzu'd down to to 9, but it was a solid first half.
12:03 - More scotch. Charles says he feels sorry for Mark Cuban, and Kenny Smith calls Cuban 'Slumdog Billionaire.' Kenny rarely makes me laugh out loud, but that was pretty fucking good.
12:12 - The Blazers come out firing, the Nuggets come out cold and bumbling, and it's a two-point game. I AM NOSTRADAMUS.
12:18 - Nene with an up-and-under and then a jumper, and the lead is back to 6. They say the NBA is a league of runs, and I ask, why not more toilet paper endorsements?
12:25 - Melo leaks out for a second straight time, and again finishes with a lay-in, this time with the foul. The Nuggets could be a solid defensive team, if they wanted to. (See: recent Lakers game; see again: yes, the Lakers were tired, on the second night of a back-to-back, bite me, etc.) They may not be big, but they're all quick and athletic and can be extremely active when they want to. Also, the guards rebound very well.
12:30 - Birdman blocks Rudy's shot right off his mug and out of bounds, then combs his hair. Man, let that dude smoke all the hillbilly crack he wants. He's fun as shit. (Update: Aldridge subsequently posterizes Andersen and lets him know he was not happy with his preening. Point taken.)
12:34 - Linas Kleiza hits a 3 and the Nugs finish 75% of the game up 81-70. Can they actually assert their dominance and step on a fucking throat? Or will they continue to take bad, quick shots, fail to rotate and close out, and let the lead dwindle? Oh, you know the damn answer. Quit being so coy. Dirty girl.
12:39 - They show a graphic of the Nuggets' fourth quarters in the last few weeks, and it's not good. More minuses than a nuclear town's pregnancy tests.
12:40 - I immediately regret writing that last sentence.
12:41 - It's time for a Greg Oden joke. Greg Oden is so old... (How old is he?) Greg Oden is so old, there are no current records for his date of birth.
12:48 - Roy steps up and takes a charge from Nene, who looked like he was horny and going to Carnaval. If you don't like Brandon Roy, you don't like basketball and I don't fucking like you. Take your fancy sweater and leave my apartment.
12:53 - Kevin Harlan is a charter member of the "Doesn't Look Like He Sounds" club. He sounds fat, doesn't he? Or at least pleasantly portly? Yes, he does. But he's not.
1:08 - Dahntay Jones misses a 10-foot baseline jumper. He's the only shooting guard in the NBA who can't shoot.
1:10 - Jason Hart just hit a midrange jumper for the Nuggets. I have no fucking clue who Jason Hart is.
1:13 - Nuggets put it away late as the Blazers succumb to tired legs and 5,280 106-90. It was a good night. I could've drank more scotch, but I didn't. I have a job. RESPONSIBILITIES.
Like drinking more scotch and looking up boobs. GO NUGGETS!