Sunday, April 08, 2007

Maybe if I had A-Rod's Bank Account

It's expensive to be a fan. Seat prices keep going up, beers cost about as much as a Honda, and trying to get a bonus package is like trying to figure out why this doesn't happen more often.

But how much does it cost to outfit yourself in your favorite baseball team's gear? I recently got MLB's spring 2007 catalog, and wondered what it would cost to buy one of everything (for a man, such as myself). Therefore, I didn't count anything specifically for women or children, any minor league gear, or items that are for one or a select few teams only. Taxes will not be factored in.

Then I counted up which teams are represented the most throughout (if they were shown on a product you could buy - therefore, if there's a shot of a bedroom with a Red Sox pillow, comforter, rug, etc. each separate item you could buy individually counted as one). I'm sure you'll be shocked by the answers.

And away we buy!

Page 4: Standard fare here. Hooded sweatshirts, some shirts, a few jackets. The chick is cute, though.
Items: 8. Total: $395

Page 5: Just a few jerseys and hats here. There's a detail of the patch celebrating the 10th anniversary of the Marlins winning the World Series. Indians fans, break something ... now.
Items: 4. Total: $370

Page 7: More jerseys and player shirts. I wonder if you can actually order a customized shirt or jersey with "Your Name" on the back. I totally would.
Items: 4. Total: $443

Page 8: Some "hip" stuff, including Reebok shoes and shirts inspired by classic rock shirts. The Yankees AC/DC one looks idiotic (Back in Pinstripes?!?) but, even I'll admit, the Dodgers one in the "Doors" font is pretty smooth.
Items: 11. Total: $390

Page 9: Some cool-looking jackets, stuff like boxers and robes, and ties. Nothing says professional like a Devil Rays silk tie.
Items: 13. Total: $630

Page 10: This page doesn't look like the others, but it's got stuff you can buy on it, so, bank!
Items: 4. Total: $145

Page 14: Classic replica jerseys and some really ugly hats. Well, lets put it this way - they will sell very few of these hats from these catalogs and the web site. But Lidz in Times Square? A ton.
Items: 5. Total: $210

Page 15: More hats. A little more upper-middle-class pale, here.
Items: 5. Total: $103

Page 16: Jackets. The Padres make an appearance! If looking like a turd covered in mustard is your thing, may I suggest the Pads' Cooperstown Gamer Jacket.
Items: 8. Total: $795

Page 17: If I had an extra three or four bills lying around, I would make Mitchell & Ness my bitch.
Items: 3. Total: $445

Page 19: Now we get into the extravagant shit. A team lava lamp? Great googily moogily. The computer mouse that looks like a batting helmet is a'ight, though.
Items: 11. Total: $961

Page 20: Cooking gear and golf accessories. The keg-a-que is a little overboard, but you know I'd love to have one.
Items: 12. Total: $424

Page 22: Now we're into "Jimmy Fallon in Fever Pitch" territory. Tell me this isn't extremely disturbing.
Items: 13. Total: $727

Page 23: This is by far the biggest total, and only because of the recliner. But it's got "two generously sized cup holders." Emphasis mine, but, you know, it might as well not be.
Items: 11. Total: $1,673

Page 26: You're not a REAL fan until you've got the 1:80 scale 2007 Upper Deck Tractor Trailer by Upper Deck. In case you didn't know.
Items: 15. Total: $492

Page 27: The rally monkey is the syphilis of the baseball collectible industry. I'd spend ten bucks on a square pop-up hamper, though.
Items: 7. Total: $140

Back of the catalog: BP jersey and cap. That little semi-circle on the sides of the BP caps? They're stupid. There, I said it. I feel better now.
Items: 2. Total: $128

Totals: 126 items, $8,471. That's a lot of coin to be a fan, man.

# of times represented

33 - Boston Red Sox
32 - New York Yankees
24 - St. Louis Cardinals
23 - New York Mets
17 - Chicago White Sox
16 - San Francisco Giants
15 - Chicago Cubs
14 - Los Angeles Dodgers
13 - Detroit Tigers
9 - San Diego Padres
8 - Cincinnati Reds, Houston Astros, Philadelphia Phillies
7 - Arizona Diamondbacks, Atlanta Braves, Baltimore Orioles, Pittsburgh Pirates
6 - Washington Nationals
5 - Los Angeles Angels, Minnesota Twins, Texas Rangers, Toronto Blue Jays
4 - Cleveland Indians, Oakland A's
3 - Colorado Rockies, Florida Marlins, Milwaukee Brewers
2 - Kansas City Royals, Seattle Mariners
1 - Tampa Bay Devil Rays

Not much of a surprise, right? The only thing that gets me is why a terrible team like the Giants is up pretty high, and a good team in a big market (the Angels) is below teams like the Reds, Orioles and Nationals. Maybe that has something to do with Barry Bonds?

Either way, I'm going to look for some stuff to sell. I gotta get me a Padres 14" Art Glass Lamp. Oh, and shipping is free on any purchase over $99.


Lionel McClure said...

Love the blog name fellas. Probably my favorite episode of the Simpsons. After all, the subheading of my blog comes from it. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

I know you said that you wouldn't buy anything specifically for women... but I would pay a pretty hefty sum if Alyssa Milano on page 12 was something purchasable!

Doobie said...

Guess who?? Man just feel lucky you can even get these catalogs where you are... do you know what shipping and handling would cost for it to get to me too!!! Although at least now on my satellite I can at least watch some games at 2 or 3 in the morning... ain't life grand... keep up the good work brother!!!

Anonymous said...

Fuckin "Great Googily Moogily" made me laugh right out loud.

Great Post/Like your site alot/Blah Blah