Wednesday, April 08, 2009

BASEBALL PREVIEWS: The Eastern Division of the National League

You know the drill by now, assbirds.

"The NY Mets are my favorite baseball squadron."

Dear Mother,
Camp is fun this year. It was the first time since I joined the older kids that no one made fun of me. I got to eat whatever I wanted and I even made the all-star team in baseball! I got to wear a new uniform and hit a homerun off of this bigger kid! Everyone was real excited and I was laughing. Man, it was FUN! Our team lost, but everyone agreed that we did the best we could. I just know that this is going to be a good year not like those last three years where everyone got mad at us.

I miss my friend Pedro. He used to teach me cool words in Spanish like "curro" which he says means "cool dog," and "bendeho" which is a nice car. I told some girls that I had a curro and they laughed. Don't worry mom, I didn't talk to them for long. PROMISE.

Anyway, the guys are going to make some water balloons, so I gotta go. I love and miss you. When you pick me up in October, I will give you a present.

Your Son,

Favorite Song: "Holiday" by Weezer
Favorite Movie: "Camp Candy," the TV Show

"The Atlanta Braves are my favorite folk song."

Dearest Mother,

I got down here safely & have been very well & have got almost entirely well of my cold. Chipper is well & well contented. We are still upon the preseason & expect to leave this at 2 o’clock P.M. tomorrow (saturday). I hope we will not be disappointed, as we are all very tired staying here. I was down in Florida & the folks are all well there. Did not see any of Youngs. Went to the house & they were not at home. I was only in Florida a few weeks, the boat came along about 2 hours sooner than usual, so I did not get much talk with anyone. I believe Smoltz is going along to Boston but not any further. Chipper was at McKeesport while I was in Florida. It is pretty warm here and I think we will be pretty well “broke in” by the time we get to Atlanta. The town is full of baseballers coming home, and they all look well, hardy & all very much sunburnt. And nearly every one of them likes camp life very well and are going back again. I have seen a great many fellows of my acquaintance. A good many more of them than I thought were out all together, I saw Jair Jurrens this morning he is just returning & is going out again. Looks as hardy as a pine. Knot was very much surprised to see Chipper & me. Derek Lowe is in town but I have not seen him yet. As soon as we get to camp I will write to you & give you the necessary directions to put upon a letter for me. I must quit & go to practice now good bye.

Yours Truly,

Thomas Glavine

Favorite Song: "Dixie" by Anonymous

Favorite Movie: "Glory"

"The Philadelphia Phillies are my man fiddy grand."

Yo Moms,

What's good? I won 300 gs in a poker game. I'm good like that. I'ma send you a nice diamond for ya birthday.


Shane V.

(Thought I was going with J-Ro, eh? I'm no racist.)

Favorite Movie: "Maverick"

Favorite Song: "Got Money Like Volcanoes Got Ash" Don Ho f/ Li'l Wayne

"The Florida Marlins are my favorite new phone."


can u write 2 coach and get me traded nm i gotta go up 2 bat


"The Washigton Nationals are no one's favorite."

Mother Graceful and Beautiful,

This is a poem I scribed for you on the occasion of my newest surroundings in the nation's capitol:

Baseball's Sad Lexicon

These are the saddest of possible words:
"Tinker to Evers to Chance."
Trio of bear cubs, and fleeter than birds,
Tinker and Evers and Chance.
Ruthlessly pricking our gonfalon bubble,
Making a Giant hit into a double-
Words that are heavy with nothing but trouble:
"Tinker to Evers to Chance."

I love thee,

A. Dunn

Favorite Song: None.

Favorite Movie: "Eight Men Out"


Phony Gwynn said...

I'm pretty sure Adam Dunn likes him some Toby Keith. Or a little Atom & His Package.

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